"You can call it anything you want. Just rub it for me, please."In retrospect, I don't know if one might have viewed this as some right of passage. Al...ost certainly not, yet it had a profound impact on me that colored my thinking and my thoughts, seemingly to this day. I mean, why else can I recall with such vivid clarity the texture of her skin and the color of her clothes? Why else did this produce a deeply etched memory that was swamped with eroticism?Because I'd sat next to her feet on the. "And so it began. Who was my first "conquest?" How old was I when I began to masturbate? What did my parents tell me about sex and my interaction with females? Did my grandparents and/or parents talk about sex openly?It took me a while to get completely comfortable and not embarrassed about the directness of the questions, but over the next hour it became somewhat easier. I had to search my memory for some of the answers and I had to search my genuine feelings for others. When the clock showed. "We never actually had intercourse, only oral sex. But it was inevitable that the two of us would end up in bed together. I think even then I understood that. I just didn't admit it to myself. Even my being in a different body I just couldn't get past the feeling that it was incest in some way. Looking back on it now I see that was silly. But ... anyway like I told you, allowing Clarity to fall in love with me was the only way we could think of to keep her safe and away from that party. I did. He did ask me out a number of times at work, but I always made a joke out of it, and I was seeing Rob, so I wasn't going to say yes, although I probably would have if I was single. We did get on well, very well infact, but that was as far as it was going to go. He did joke that he would have me at the Christmas party, but I just laughed about it and passed it off and told him he wouldn't stand a chance. At the party Steve and I chatted for a while. He then asked me for a dance, and I accepted.
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